SHOCKING!! Words can't really do justice on how I felt about this particular task. Each and every one has been challenging in its own way, but my god, this one just Boomeranged all pre-conceptions I may have had about this Contest. I understand the point of this whole thing is to change my life, but each one seems to be getting harder and harder, and my stomach is taking a toll.
As soon as Mauler and Rush said the Words "Pose in the Ottawa Sun...nearly nude.." my immediate internal reaction was HELLLLL NO!! Of course I instinctively thought of the Sunshine girl (really...who didn't?), and not to say the girls who pose for that aren't beautiful, but there isn't a chance in hell I would be caught dead posing for that. The photo that was used an as example clearly wasn't anyone even remotely close to my body image, she was about 6 ft. tall, legs up to the Ying Yang, and probably weighing the size of my left leg....and they want to replicate it. Someone is taking crazy pills, and it wasn't me.
I've become a real Pro when is comes to hiding my body, little tricks here and there that help make the harsh realities of life a little easier, but it has become exhausting. As most women go through everyday, I've spent a majority of my life second guessing myself, and my appearance, all because I cared too much about what other people think. Its really sad, because even the most beautiful of women are self-conscious...what has this world come to? We've put these un-realistic standards of beauty on a pedestal that can never be reached, and it just makes us feel like failures on a daily basis purely because we are constantly trying to be someone that we aren't. It makes me want to cry, because I love who I am, and I've let the expectations of others rule my life for far too long, and really, I'm just sick of it.
I decided to do this challenge because I am tired of hiding, I am tired of pretending that I don't exist and that I should just hide away hoping no one will take notice. I wanted to show everyone that YES, I am curvy, NO I'm not 110 lbs when wet, and that I have a lot more to offer then the junk in my trunk. People constantly use how they look in a mirror to define who they are, and I've lived by that piece of BULL for way too long. I don't want to be hung up on a number to define my self worth, because I am worth more than that.
It was very liberating to say all of these things, now I just needed to put it all into practice. My favorite girls in the World came with me to the station Friday after work to support me in this endeavor, once again, the push I needed to succeed. I got all dolled up by Rush's lovely wife, she did my hair and makeup (the woman has the largest collection on MAC Makeup I have seen to date, she even beat Saima ;) ).
Jenny and Josie, probably the sweetest most encouraging ladies ever, stripped down with me to help kick the nervousness during the photo shoot. Once the clothes came off, I had nothing else to bear but my soul, no turning back at this point, it was now or never!
Jenny and Josie, probably the sweetest most encouraging ladies ever, stripped down with me to help kick the nervousness during the photo shoot. Once the clothes came off, I had nothing else to bear but my soul, no turning back at this point, it was now or never!
It took so much for me to let go, and bear it all for everyone to see, definitely the hardest challenge to date; but the principal behind it was worth it all. I don't consider myself a Role Model of any kind, but a big part of me wanted to just show all the small/petite/curvy/large beautiful women out there that you don't need to be a size 2 to live a happy full-filling life. We can't be ashamed of who we are, we need to make the best of what we were given; We need to start putting ourselves first, stop making excuses or you'll be doing it for the rest of your life. If you need to pose nearly nude to realize these words are nothing but true, then I suggest doing just that!
