Big Thing's Poppin'...Mauler and Rush Almighty - The Aftermath...

Good Day Good Day Everyone, hope you all have been well. I just wanted to give a little update of all the fabulous things I have been busy with since the completion of my journey with Mauler and Rush Almighty. I must say, I was slightly worried after we wrapped it all up. With all the overwhelming things that went on during those 3 weeks I figured my life couldn't get much more exciting, what was I going to do now? I really wanted to keep the momentum going, so I had to do some drastic things to keep 2009 "The year of Holly"!

Now its very easy to take $25, 000 and live it up like a gong show. I could have easily taken the money, quit my job, partied like a rock star, shop till I dropped and spoiled myself recklessly. But the whole point of this experience was to change my life for the better. Now 25 G's is a lot of money, but not really when you think about it, I could probably spend it in less then 24 hours if I really wanted to; so I had to do some hardcore brainstorming to make the most out of this money. So I had to consider how I could make even more crazy memories and experiences, but also not put myself in the hole again.

The responsible part of me said "Pay off your bills!!!!", and yes....I intend on getting myself out of debt. And how good does it feel to not have those ridiculous monthly payments looming over my head any more, my God it feels so good. Next, I needed to plan for my future, so I intend on taking a nice huge chunk of my hard earned cash to store away in GIC's and RRSP's, etc. HOW BORING, right? Moving on to the more interesting stuff...I believe I've earned a little R&R, so I spent Valentines Day @ the Spa getting pampered, so fabulous!

Some Girlfriends and I decided to hit up LAS VEGAS during Spring Break in March, which normally I would never have considered, but hey, you only live once! I don't plan on gambling all my winnings away, but I promised myself I would walk up to the Roulette Table and throw down on black; purely out of Respect for the Almighty Mauler and Rush, to whom none of this would have been possible.

I have always wanted to travel the world, something that has proved to be very difficult due to conflicting schedules of friends and family; plus my finances never seemed to be in order. I want to travel around Europe - see the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the Coliseum in Rome, The Acropolis in Greece; It always felt like it would just be a dream, until now. Why should I have to wait for someone else to fulfill my dreams? If I kept postponing the things I wanted to do until someone could do them with me, I would never get to do the things I've dreamed of, and that's a regret I couldn't live with. So on a whim, I booked a Flight to Paris in the Spring. I have decided I will backpack Europe for 2 months by myself....such a scary thought!! But If I could survive a Day-to-day Scare-fest from Mauler and Rush Almighty for 3 weeks, Why couldn't I do this? Now this one is huge, but If I could come back from that experience in once piece, I could do absolutely anything. And that's what 2009 is for me, the year of empowerment.

So with the budget of $25, 000 I've managed to become debt free, plan for my future, Live a little, and Gain some amazing life stories; Something I couldn't be any more grateful for! It has only been 2 weeks since the competition ended, but I feel like a brand new person. Not like the person I was 4 years ago (which I always thought I would kill to have that girl back)...but a brand new person, with new hopes, new dreams. I feel stronger each and everyday because I realize I have so much to look forward to. I've wasted so much time living in regret, wishing I could turn back time, and not being thankful for the amazing things I already possessed.

I don't want people to think I'm bragging, or rubbing my good fortune in everyone's face. I really just want to share the possibilities of living your best life with anyone who wants to listen. Because the reality of it all is that we are all our own worst enemy. We should never underestimate the power we have to change ourselves, at times it seems impossible, but just take baby steps, and day-by-day you'll get there. I have so much more I need to accomplish, and fears I still need to overcome, but I know that I'm the only one who can get me there. No more excuses. No more regrets!

The final blurb...

OK, so it would seem the adventure has come to an end...so crazy, the past 3 weeks have just come and gone incredibly fast. Lets break down the 15 tasks...

Task # 1 - (Value: $1,000) "Cut the fat" and trim my facebook page from over 400 friends to 20.
Task # 2 - (Value: $500): Convince a stranger to have dinner with me.
Task # 3 - (Value: 1,000): Swim with Alligators at Little Ray's Reptile Zoo.
Task # 4 - (Value: $1,000): Take a $1,000 to the Casino and bet it all on Black or Red
Task # 5 - (Value: $3,000): Get 899 signatures supporting that 'Holly is Awesome!'
Task # 6 - (Value $1,000): Busking for $89 in 89 minutes.
Task # 7 - (Value $1,500): Give blood.
Task # 8 - (Value $1,000): 'Burn' everything my ex-boyfriend ever gave me, and start fresh.
Task # 9 - (Value $2,000): Perform stand-up for 2 minutes at Absolute Comedy.
Task # 10 - (Value $5,000): Pose nearly nude in a photo shoot, with the image appearing in Monday's Ottawa Sun.
Task # 11 - (Value $500): Enjoy my day and bask in my photograph.
Task # 12 - (Value $1,000): Belly Dancing.
Task # 13 - (Value $1,000): Take a Polar Bear Dip.
Task # 14 - (Value $1,000): A live solo broadcast from Cornerstone Bar Grill and Bar.
Task # 15 - (Value $5,000): Lie detector test.

AND I CAME OUT ALIVE!!! And to be perfectly honest, there were moments where I really thought I wouldn't come out of this in one piece. I have felt completely un-easy, nervous, and un-comfortable each and everyday, but it was probably the best thing I have ever put myself through. I gave up on myself a long time ago, and I thought I wouldn't ever be able to get my old self back, but you'd be surprised what a random Radio contest could do to a persons life.

Mauler and Rush have changed my life, now its my turn to take it from here. Its hard to explain the impact that this entire thing has made on me. Not only do I have a new found love and appreciation for the City I reside in (because the people are absolutely rockin'!!!) but I also have a new found love and appreciation for me. I get to look back on the past 3 weeks and say....holy crap....I actually did all of those things!!! And that, is just the beginning, because I plan to take it even further.

Please pardon the upcoming Dr. Phil moment, it happens after you go through something like this, just go with it...

The saying is true...What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger...Never have any regrets....You can do anything you put your mind to....The Key to a happy life is living, and living hard!! And most important of all - Live your Plan 'A', on any level. Make it a lower case 'a' if you have to, but live your Plan 'A'...anything else belittles the importance of life. Mauler and Rush, Jenny and Josie have helped me realize these things, and its my goal to stay strong, move forward, and be awesome any way I can. All the corniness is sometimes necessary, so please bare with me.

To all the amazing people I've met along the way, and all the wonderful words of encouragement from the people of Ottawa who have been following my journey, I need to thank you. You guys have done more for me then you'll ever know. When I felt like I was going to Wuss out, I just had to realize there were people watching, and that they didn't want me to fail myself. I owe you all a debt of gratitude, you are all amazing beautiful people!!

To my friends and family who have been there for me each and everyday, I love you, and I thank God everyday you all are a part of my life.

And Last, the Almighty and their disciples...you kicked my ass into shape and gave me the wake up call I needed. I love ya, I'll miss ya, and I'm honoured to have been a part of this whole thing!!

FINAL TASK - Come Clean!!!

Now when I hear Lie Detector Test, I immediately think of Maury Povich or Jerry Springer...right? The drama starter of all drama starters, what are they trying to do to me? A lot of things can go wrong with just 5 questions so I wasn't at all calm about the tiny number. Now I thought I had been quite open already with the Almighty, but apparently it wasn't enough, now they wanted to test my integrity and come clean with myself.

I have often thought of Ottawa as a boring city with nothing exciting to ever do...in the past 3 weeks i have swam with alligators, dropped a grand on black, did stand up comedy, and now, am doing a polygraph test...I have been proved wrong, because apparently with some creativity you can find absolutely anything to do no matter how weird or random.

Its Saturday morning, and I expect this task to just be a quick in and out, 5 questions can't take that long can they? Now it seems like I'm always wrong when I try to plan ahead these past 3 weeks, so why would this task be any different? It took me 2 hours to complete the test. Not only did Mr. Coulter (fabulous gentlemen) ask me The Almighty 5 questions multiple times, but he had a list of his own. All of the questions were very personal, thought provoking, and somewhat emotional. I have never talked about myself so much in such a short time, absolutely every topic was on the table and there was nothing I could hide.

Question # 1 - Are you holding out in hopes that you and Dave (my ex) will get back together? Yes, the truth.

Question # 2 - Do you have a crush on anyone else who is not Dave? No, the truth.

Question # 3 - Do you wish your Biological Father was a part of your life? No, a lie.

This one is tricky, and needs to be approached lightly. I do not know my biological father, he decided when I was a baby that he was not man enough to take responsibility for his child, and took the cowards way out; he left my mother by herself to raise what he helped to produce. Now I am 24 years old, and I have never heard from him. Now in a sense this is a blessing in disguise, because I am all the stronger for it. Don't get me wrong, I spent a portion of my life wondering what it was that I had done wrong to make him not want to be my father. Was I too much to handle? Was I not pretty enough? All of these things were just excuses that I kept making for him, but now, the excuses are over. I used to think my life would be different if only I had my father there, problematic times growing up would have been avoided if he was there to protect me. But each and everyday I grew stronger, I found ways to protect myself from people who might come and go from my life. I guess you could say I found ways to push people away before they could leave on their own, a ridiculous defence mechanism I created to help shield myself from the pain of abandonment. It took my years to realize that these petty games don't work, and that the people and relationships in my life were the most important things, and that I needed them more anything.

I know now that my father leaving is not my fault, nor my mothers, rather he is just a poor excuse for a man. I often think of what I would say to him if I ever met him, how I could make him feel the pain he has caused to so many. The truth of it all is, I'm not the one with the issues, rather it is him. Any man who can be so heartless, thoughtless and careless doesn't deserve to be a part of my life, and it is his loss more than it is mine. I have many things on my life to be thankful for, and things are only going to get better, as for my so-called-father, he can bite the dust and stay hidden. You are nothing more then DNA to me. Yes, I often wonder about the 'What Ifs' - But the best thing you could ever do for me, is stay away, my life is better off without you.

Question # 4 - Are you Happy? Yes - a lie.

I don't think there is anyone out there who is truly content with their standing in life, rather it is a working progress that people need to address on a daily basis. I figured I would be a happy person because I walk around with a smile, I'm bubbly, charismatic, friendly....but no. Internally I am constantly fighting with myself over my fears and self consciousness. I am not depressed, I just know I'm not living up to my potential, and that doesn't make me happy.

Question # 5 - Have Mauler and Rush Almighty done all they can do for you in this Contest? Yes, the truth.

To be continued....

Task # 14 - Hey Mr. DJ!!

Now at this point it seems like the remaining tasks are going to be huge...I stopped trying to guess what each one could be at the beginning of week 3 just to I could try and remain sane, it is impossible to even try. Each and ever one of these tasks are so left field, so hard to determine, but so on the money when it comes to making me overcome particular fears.

Today I need to air my own show, live at the Cornerstone Bar & Grill and Bar....just hearing it made my heart sink a little. I've become accustom to just going with the flow over the past 14 days, so on the outside it seemed like I wasn't at all nervous, that is nowhere close to the truth. It is one thing to sit in a studio where there is ample quite quite so you can hear you're own thoughts...but LIVE on location, where there are people, live music, and me with nothing but a Mic and an ear piece for a couple hours, is enough to make anyone freak.

I am not one of those people who thinks working on the radio is an easy Job. Being at the station everyday you get to see how all the magic happens on air, and it has so many parts to making a small segment I don't know how I'm going to come out of this one alive.

So I needed to get to the station after work, the whole day people were asking me what I planned on saying one air, but really, who can plan for that? I figured I would just show up and it would all flow (don't get me wrong I totally figured I would crash & burn), all I needed to do was talk here and there no matter what the subject, just talk. Turns out when you're talking to yourself the conversations aren't really that interesting.

Kenny B was already at the restaurant doing his thing when I walked in, he handed me a bunch of papers with artists and song titles and told me to go nuts.....These papers were the playlists with the schedules of when I was supposed to talk and for how long, when the Traffic Report and Weather was supposed to happen, a list of all commercials...pretty much everything I SHOULD need to get through this. Only problem is, I didn't know how to follow it :s

Thankfully Josie and some friends showed up for some moral support (although distracting), and gave me the boost I needed to get through my first piece. Each and every time I was on air my heart stopped beating, there were so many things to distract me I found it hard to strike up topics to use...to the point I started talking about the faux pas of eating raw garlic :(

Each and every piece got easier and easier, all the amazing phone calls I was getting at the station kept the adrenaline running. I started to realize people didn't expect me to rock the show, but just to make it out in one piece and all the stronger for it. It must be said all those words of encouragement touched my heart, I can't believe how amazing and supportive all the Hotties of Ottawa are...the absolute best listeners a girl could ask for!!

2 and a 1/2 hours and on air fumble after fumble just flew by. I was already in the home stretch and needed to make my extro....This was actually such an awesome task! I know I wasn't the most amazing thing to listen to, but the fact I actually ran my own show felt pretty stellar! Huge thanks to Julio, the producer of all producers!!! You rocked my ear the whole night!!!! Also need to say thanks to my amazing friends for coming, and sending all those amazing texts of encouragement throughout the show. Josie and Kenny...thanks for the laughs! Love you Ottawa!

Task # 13 - Take the Plunge

So the temperature Outside on this particular task is -20 something, and the idea is to jump into freezing cold water to get a feeling of rejuvenation!! How Mauler and Rush come up with these tasks I'll never know, I definitely need to take a mental note and remember to ask about the Method to their madness. Anyhow, this one sounded fairly simple, insane, but simple. I guess you could say I was a little too confident walking out of the studio that morning.

Lunch time - I needed to get out of the office to stretch my legs and get a little bit of fresh air.....wrong move! It was so bloody cold outside I couldn't even begin to comprehend how I was supposed to jump into water. I was all bundled up with an extremely warm winter coat, hat, mitts and scarf, but I still wanted to die it was so damn cold!! I started getting phone calls and texts from concerned individuals telling me it wasn't worth my safety or health to do the Polar bear dip...All of these combined factors really made me feel nervous, and I started to re-think my quick response to go ahead with it.

4:00 pm @ Baxter Conservatory in Kars.

I know people do this type of thing for fun, but really, to me, this doesn't sound like it could be any type of fun, just a heart attack in a 3 x 3 hole in the ice. I drive up only to see the ambulance ready and waiting to revive me once my heart stops, such a fabulous feeling knowing that if you're ever going to get hurt, now would be the time. The audience today was a big one - Mauler, Josie and Jenny came out as well as my parents and Charlie, the freaking had begun.

The Paramedic (comedian - J.P) took all my vitals to ensure I was physically able to take the dip and then came the walk of shame... about 50 yards or so from the ambulance to the actual dipping hole. Did I mention I was doing this dressed in soccer shorts, a t-shirt and yellow crocs? Amazing! I walk up to the designated area and the adrenaline started pumping like crazy. Jenny made a suggestion to just dunk right away, not to slip in or I'd turn and run, so that was the plan I chose to stick with. It took me about 20 seconds....and in the hole I went......FREEEEEEEEEEZING!!!!!!! Words can't describe the feeling I had in the water, but the second I got out all I felt was pain. The feeling of 20 or so people slapping me all over my legs at the same time as well as numbness at my feet made the walk back to the ambulance almost unbearable. I have never felt so cold before in my life, I felt it everywhere, like my blood was made of ice.

If I wasn't rejuvenated after past tasks, you can bet your top dollar I was now, I felt like I took a shot of 3 triple espressos, and I felt alive!! I see why they chose this challenge - I need to take the plunge, take the risk, just jump in - You need to RISK big to WIN big!!

Task # 12 - Shake your Junk

First off I need to break down the events leading up to my Belly Dancing debut....In my girlfriends car (Loredana) on the drive-up we heard the commercial discussing the "If you seek Amy" Britney controversy...I've heard this commercial several times already, and I really thought people were nuts. I had spent the last month or so thinking this song was about Britney having feelings for a girl named Amy, and that people were making a huge deal over her making reference to Lesbianism....Man, could I have been any more wrong?? The sheer amusement my friend had over my stupidity just made it classic, even though she was laughing at me, It made me like the song that much more. TEAM BRITNEY!!

6:00 pm - Hopewell School on Bank Street.

I decided to bring a few friends with me to enjoy this new experience, and what an experience it was. I've spent a majority of my life laughing at this particular type of dance, and it turns out karma was planning to pay me back - It was so difficult to get with the program. Our instructor was an absolute sweetheart who took the time to really get to know each of us, and slowly introduce us to the art of Belly Dancing. She started out slowly, giving us ample opportunity to think it was all a joke, then she took it up a notch and really made us work. I started to sweat, and found it difficult to keep up, but I was still having fun. It was almost like playing dress-up, the instructor brought a whole bunch of the veil type pieces of material that we could be free flowing with - overall, a great workout and an awesome experience.

I'm beginning to learn the more you step out of your comfort zone and the regular routine most of us have all become accustom to, the more experience and zest for life you get in return. Awesome Task!!

Task # 11 - Enjoy Your Monday!!

Monday is probably the hardest day of the week for most people...The weekend is over and you have 5 days of torture ahead until the next weekend comes. Suffice to say I was not looking forward to this particular Monday, because of the whole Ottawa Sun issue with my derrière all over page 12. I was quite nervous even though I'm coming into the home stretch, it hasn't gotten easier coming in everyday worried what Mauler and Rush have in stored for me day to day, I'm constantly a ball of nerves, this girl totally needs to de-stress.

I walked into the Studio prepping myself for the worst, only to get the best news ever....A day to just ENJOY!! Who would of thought, I totally thought I was being played, like there was an underlying factor they were keeping secret, but no, genuinely they just wanted me to enjoy my day; make time for myself and chill out. Its amazing what 2 weeks of constant walking on egg shells can do to a person, because I had like 20 different things in mind that I wanted to do, it was so exciting to plan how I would go about making the day all about me. We women tend to let ourselves go by the waste side, forgetting to just enjoy the little things in life, splurge on ourselves and just feel good.

Everyone was absolutely amazing about the nearly nude photo shoot, my primary concern was that I'd be walking around work and it would be awkward because everyone saw me almost in the gitch ("Gitch" meaning almost buck - compliments of Josie), but I walked out un-scathed and somewhat feeling more confident because of all the wonderful compliments and words of encouragement. I am so blown away by how awesome people are, before this whole contest I had the idea that people were generally dinks all the time, but no, they are generally great!

It has been absolutely forever since I got my hair done last, so I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to go all out. I found this great salon on the internet called 'Pierino Scarfo' in Bells Corners and got an appt. with no hassle. The weather was great and sunny, it was like this day was meant to be enjoyed. My new stylist Natasha was unreal, she was young, pretty and knew everything about what I wanted done. She took her time and made me feel great (head massage almost put me to sleep it felt so great), and the end result was oober fantastic, I walked out feeling like a million bucks.

I met my Mom and Grandparents for dinner and caught them up on all the unreal adventures I've been doing daily throughout this contest (they don't listen to the radio much. The look on my Grandma's face was classic, and she was so excited to hear about everything I have been doing. Its been tiresome repeating the same stories over and over again, but when I told her it was like telling it for the very first time.

Monday nights are ritualistic....The Batchelor...O Jason, he's such a cutey!! I got together with all my ladies to gossip about all the Femme fatales on the show....poor Stephanie, she's such a doll, YOU WILL FIND LOVE AGAIN SOMEDAY!! I went to bed feeling really content, today was stellar...and when this contest is done, I will definitely make more time for myself to just enjoy. Thanks Almighty!!

Task # 10 - The Doozy of All Doozies!!! Strip Down!

SHOCKING!! Words can't really do justice on how I felt about this particular task. Each and every one has been challenging in its own way, but my god, this one just Boomeranged all pre-conceptions I may have had about this Contest. I understand the point of this whole thing is to change my life, but each one seems to be getting harder and harder, and my stomach is taking a toll.

As soon as Mauler and Rush said the Words "Pose in the Ottawa Sun...nearly nude.." my immediate internal reaction was HELLLLL NO!! Of course I instinctively thought of the Sunshine girl (really...who didn't?), and not to say the girls who pose for that aren't beautiful, but there isn't a chance in hell I would be caught dead posing for that. The photo that was used an as example clearly wasn't anyone even remotely close to my body image, she was about 6 ft. tall, legs up to the Ying Yang, and probably weighing the size of my left leg....and they want to replicate it. Someone is taking crazy pills, and it wasn't me.

I've become a real Pro when is comes to hiding my body, little tricks here and there that help make the harsh realities of life a little easier, but it has become exhausting. As most women go through everyday, I've spent a majority of my life second guessing myself, and my appearance, all because I cared too much about what other people think. Its really sad, because even the most beautiful of women are self-conscious...what has this world come to? We've put these un-realistic standards of beauty on a pedestal that can never be reached, and it just makes us feel like failures on a daily basis purely because we are constantly trying to be someone that we aren't. It makes me want to cry, because I love who I am, and I've let the expectations of others rule my life for far too long, and really, I'm just sick of it.

I decided to do this challenge because I am tired of hiding, I am tired of pretending that I don't exist and that I should just hide away hoping no one will take notice. I wanted to show everyone that YES, I am curvy, NO I'm not 110 lbs when wet, and that I have a lot more to offer then the junk in my trunk. People constantly use how they look in a mirror to define who they are, and I've lived by that piece of BULL for way too long. I don't want to be hung up on a number to define my self worth, because I am worth more than that.

It was very liberating to say all of these things, now I just needed to put it all into practice. My favorite girls in the World came with me to the station Friday after work to support me in this endeavor, once again, the push I needed to succeed. I got all dolled up by Rush's lovely wife, she did my hair and makeup (the woman has the largest collection on MAC Makeup I have seen to date, she even beat Saima ;) ).

Jenny and Josie, probably the sweetest most encouraging ladies ever, stripped down with me to help kick the nervousness during the photo shoot. Once the clothes came off, I had nothing else to bear but my soul, no turning back at this point, it was now or never!

It took so much for me to let go, and bear it all for everyone to see, definitely the hardest challenge to date; but the principal behind it was worth it all. I don't consider myself a Role Model of any kind, but a big part of me wanted to just show all the small/petite/curvy/large beautiful women out there that you don't need to be a size 2 to live a happy full-filling life. We can't be ashamed of who we are, we need to make the best of what we were given; We need to start putting ourselves first, stop making excuses or you'll be doing it for the rest of your life. If you need to pose nearly nude to realize these words are nothing but true, then I suggest doing just that!

TASK # 8 - Light a Match and let it all go...

Sorry guys, forgot to blurb about this one...brain fart.

I need to set the record straight, I'll keep it short and sweet - I do not hate my Ex!! This task was a very emotional one, purely because I do not hold any bitterness or resentment towards my ex in any way. We ended things because we both needed to put ourselves first, to go off and find ways to fulfill ourselves. We had been on and off together since I was 16, we've been through so much together growing up, and there came a time when we felt it was more convenient to just stay together then to go our separate ways and figure things out. Suffice to say, feelings are still there, but we needed to end things to put ourselves first, and if we ended up together in the future, it would be because we were certain that's where we both wanted to be, and not due to obligation.

I didn't know how to look at this task, But I definitely knew how it looked to everyone else. I've heard of these cleansing ceremonies before, you see them in movies and TV, where crazy angry woman decide to gather up any and all items that remind them of their exes and just set it ablaze. My ex is still a part of my life, so I looked at this as being dis-respectful to him, and that's not something I was willing to do. Throughout the day I kept thinking of how other people would feel about this, him, his family and friends, and then I realized, I'm constantly living and making decisions surrounding how other people feel. And it was driving me crazy.

This task was not about my ex, or anyone for that matter other then me. This was about cleansing me and my spirit, about letting go of the past, and having a fresh start. This was not about erasing my ex from memory, because memories aren't in things. And if we were to someday decide it was worth giving it another shot, it would be a clean slate, new beginning, a time to make new memories.

Jenny and Josie came over to my place, and helped go through all of my memories for the past 7 years - there was a lot to sort through! Going through some of these things brought up some emotions, but they were things that needed to be confronted. I am one of those people that carries a lot of baggage in the sense that I always felt I needed this little mementos for absolutely ever occasion to prove how special they were, realistically, I couldn't remember half of what it was all for. Lighting the match actually felt good, it was hard, but uplifting. Its the kind of symbolism that really strikes a cord, its a new day ladies and gents, I'm only going up from here!!!